X-Rated Stir Fry

Can we agree to agree on one thing?  Stir fry is some sexy food.  It's so colorful, tasty, spicy, sizzlin' hot.  It's full of differing flavors that come at you from all sides...you don't know whether to chew it, french kiss it, or call the cops on it for harassment.  And it's so pretty.  My particular stir fry reminded me of a Christmas tree.  The white rice symbolized the glowing white bulbs.  The green onion, jalapeno, cilantro and snap peas, were the actual tree and the red pepper and mushrooms...the ornaments.  Then you have the beef.  Mmm...the beef.  The beef is like the presents, the prize for being good boys and girls this year.

Marinade:
2 tbsp rice wine vinegar
5 tbsp soy sauce
1 tbsp honey
1 inch piece of peeled ginger, minced
2 cloves of minced garlic
1 tsp (or more if you want the X-rated version) of crushed red pepper

Whisk all these ingredients together and add thinly sliced beef to the marinade.  I used sirloin.  And here's a quick tip:  If you cut your meat while it's still slightly frozen, it's easier to thinly slice.  Cover and refrigerate for an hour or four.

Now here's the part that takes time.  It's like foreplay.  You have to spend time with it and give it some love before you get to eat it up!  You have to pick your meat and veggies and then slice them all how you want to eat them.  Here's mine: Sirloin Steak, Mushrooms, Red Bell Pepper, Green Onion, Ginger, Garlic, Jalapeno, Snap Peas, and Cilantro.  Once you get everyone in one place and chopped up in the shape and size you like, you're ready to turn up the heat!  Take your meat out of the marinade (giggity) and dry it off.  You don't want steamed meat.  You want fried meat!  Stir fried meat!  

Get a wok.  You don't have to use one, but you'll be a lot happier if you do.  Add 2 tablespoons of vegetable oil, 1 tablespoon of Sesame Oil and again, if you want the X-rated version, add in some Fire Oil.  Put this on high heat until it's just about to smoke (If you set your kitchen on fire, that's your own damn fault, don't sue me, I have nothing to give, unless a '98 Chevy Cavalier is something you're dying to have).  First add in your meat in small batches.  Don't overcrowd the wok or you'll steam the food.  Cook the meat for literally 1 minute and put it on a plate to the side.  Finish off all the meat in this fashion.

Next, cook the main veggies (you may have to add more vegetable oil for these next steps).  Mushrooms, Pepper and Snap Peas...if you use broccoli, put that in now, if you use carrots, same.  Cook for about 2-3 minutes, stirring often.  Then add in your aromatics.  Yep, I went all Food Network-y on ya with that term.  Aromatics = Your smelly good things.  Your ginger, garlic, green onion, jalapeno, and cilantro.  Cook for 1 minute and add the beef back in.  Cook for another minute.  This all happens really quick and you're working with high heat and smokin' hot oil...BE CAREFUL.  You need to perfect your octopus cooking moves for this one.  You need to SEEM like you have eight arms, but with the smoothness of merely having two.

Finally, take 1 tablespoon of corn starch and 2 tablespoons of water and mix together.  Add this at the very end stirring like an octopus to thicken any juices that form and to get all the tasty bits off the bottom of the wok.  Serve over noodles or rice or just eat the meat and veggies.  There's no wrong way.

This dish will make you want to chew your burps.  I mean it.

My Risotto's Totally Shroomin' Dude

I'm trying to expand my food knowledge, along with my palate.  So I've been scoping out odd and frightening foods whenever I am out and about.  While in East Memphis at the Fresh Market the other day, my eyes were drawn to a package of wild mushrooms.  The package consisted of French Horn, Chanterelle and Enokitake mushrooms.  Now I admit, mushrooms are a food that scare me.  I usually stick to the trusty old white button mushroom.  I have steered clear of portabellas ever since I decided to eat my first portabella sandwich, after a night of way too many Samuel's Adams Honey Porter beers during my WVU days.

Mushrooms, in general, are just weird.  They're a fungus.  I mean, it's kinda like, "Hey guys, wanna try the new Ringworm Wrap? I hear it's Awwwwwwesooooome!"  I kid.  But seriously, they are like cheese.  And I love cheese, but cheese can be scary.  It's stinky, its got mold on it.  But we eat it and love it.  But every once in a while, someone cuts the literal cheese and people go running!  Mushrooms, for me, are in the same boat, or should I say the same pile of poo??

Anyway, I dropped all my food fears on this one and went for it.  Of course the first thing that came to my mind was risotto, seeing as how it's been WAY too long since my last visit to Epcot's Le Cellier in Canada.  You have to call months in advance to eat there...probably because they have the best mushroom risotto I've ever eaten, not to mention delicious steaks! 

Here's what I did:
I simmered about 5 cups of chicken broth (you want to have warm broth).  I wiped off any dirt on the mushrooms and chopped them up.  Chopped up a shallot and 3 cloves of garlic and I sauteed these items in olive oil (about 2 tbsp's) and butter (2 tbsp's) in a large pot on medium heat.  Once everyone in the pot was soft and happy, I added 1 cup of Arborio Rice (you can't use Uncle Ben's when making Risotto.  Here's why) and stirred it around for about 2 minutes to cover each grain with olive oil, and butter and get it nice and toasty.  I then added in a cup of white wine.  Stir the wine and rice until there's almost no liquid left.  Then add in chicken broth...one cup at a time, stirring in the broth until it's almost gone, then add in the next cup.  This process takes about 25 minutes.  And the only way to really know when it's done (at least for me) is to try it.  It'll be really creamy!  When you get it to your desired consistency (I like mine with a little bite - al dente, per say) you're ready to add in a cup of Parmesan cheese, some chopped up thyme (about a tablespoon) and another pat of butter.

Now..... eat it VERY quickly, so that no one else gets any, because you aren't going to want to share!  And Fresh Market, WVU, Cook's Illustrated, Le Cellier and Epcot...I'll be awaiting my checks in the mail for the plugs!

Scrumptious Sammies and Barefoot Banter

I ripped this one off of Ina Garten.  Now, for those of you who don't know her, she's this little, round lady on Food Network that lives in the Hamptons.  She's got this show called Barefoot Contessa where she cooks meals for all her "jolly" friends and her dorky husband.  I'm not sure what a Contessa is, kinda reminds me of something you'd call a witch, but if I'd have to guess, simply by watching the show, a Contessa is a person who stongly believes in table settings!  I mean, seriously, this woman spends more time on making the table look good than she does on the food.

You know what I use for cloth napkins in my house?  A paper towel.  My plates don't match.  I have 5 white ones, 4 yellow ones and 4 green ones.  Kinda looks like someone threw up in my cabinet!  The only reason I have nice silverware is because of a wedding present from my inlaws.  For glassware...I have a bunch of stolen pint glasses from different bars and restaurants throughout the country (It's kinda my thing...sue me...that is, if you can catch me.)

But back to Ms. Ina.  I do have to admit, this woman can cook.  She's annoying as hell to listen to, mainly because she comes off as this snooty bitch in her little Hampton kitch, but girl can throw DOWN on some killer food.  And she's kinda my hero for saying Sayonara to her job as a White House nuclear policy analyst so that she could pursue her dream of being a cook, a self taught cook I might add.  Hell, I love you Ina.  So check her out, buy her cookbooks (which I own none of....hint, hint, family and friends), watch her show, etc.

But if you do only one thing Ina Garten, do this sandwich.  It's become a favorite! 

(Note: I didn't use pancetta, simply because I didn't have any, but I have used it and it's delicious.  I also don't use the sun-dried tomatoes, because those jerks give me awful heartburn.  It's a bitch to get older!  If you're in a hurry, you can use rotisserie chicken and it's just as good.  And the dressing for this sandwich would taste awesome on a tire.) ENJOY!!     

Quickie

Sometimes you just need to have a quickie.  You know...no frills, no thrills, just something to tide you over.  I'm talking about a quickie lunch, you perv.

This is my suggestion for a quickie:
Slice a piece or two of bread, drizzle it with olive oil, put it in a toaster oven or the actual oven at 400 degrees for about 8 minutes or until crunchy. Rub with a clove of raw garlic.

Next, slice some tomatoes and salt them.  Then, take some room-temperature goat cheese and put it in a bowl.  Add about a tablespoon of chopped rosemary and a pinch of salt and pepper to the cheese.

Spread the cheese on the toast, top with the tomato.

And there you have it, a quickie no one can complain about!

New Logo

Just wonderin' what ya'll think about my new logo!  I bent and photographed the fork all by myself!  So if you don't like it...you can go fork yourself!

I Want You...To Wonton Me

Twas a cold Memphis evening, and this Bitch in the Kitch,
had a craving for soup, so I scratched that itch. 
I went to the fridge, and that's where it dawned,
I had all of the fixings, for some good ol' wontons. (I can't help myself sometimes)

I had ground chicken that I needed to cook, but was tired of the usual fare.  So I bought some shrimp, and put the chicken, shrimp, 3 cloves of garlic, a big chunk of peeled ginger, crushed red pepper, scallions, soy sauce, chili oil, rice wine vinegar, and some brown sugar into a food processor, until I had a bowl full of mush.  Chunky mush though, not baby food mush.  Then I got out some wonton wrappers and filled them with a tablespoon or so of the mush, folded those puppies up, using water around the edges like glue.  They looked like this, surely not the traditional dumpling, but I'm not very well versed in Asian cooking, so whatever, haters.

 
Then I put a pot on the stove, added veggie and sesame oil, 5 smashed cloves of garlic, more ginger and crushed red pepper, chicken broth, sliced mushrooms and scallions and boiled them together for about 20 minutes.  Once I had made all my wontons (which takes FOREVER), I dropped them into the simmering soup until they floated.

It was great.  I was very proud of myself for just throwing it all together and coming up with a delicious soup in no time, but next time, I will add a lot more garlic, ginger, crushed red pepper and soy to the dumplings, because I think those little purses of pleasure lacked some serious flavor-flave.  

Happy Baa-aah-lentine's Day

Remember what happened last year?  Your flowers were dead in 3 days.  That box of candy you got?  It made your ass fat.  That nighty you went out and bought?  It doesn't fit you anymore because of that damned box of chocolate.

In my very tame and calm opinion...Valentine's day is harmful.  It puts so much stress and pressure on relationships.  Does a dozen roses really make you feel loved?  Does it confirm the happiness of your relationship?  Do we really have to go out and buy a bunch of pink and red shit to validate our love?  Do I really need a stuffed animal at my age?  No.  Do I want flowers?  I'd rather have a plant that I can kill on my own.   


You know what Valentine's Day is?  It's a fight waiting to happen.

I wish women would stop making this holiday such a big deal.  You're giving us all a bad rap.  If you want to do something nice for your significant other for Valentine's Day, I say Step Away from the Valentine's Day. You know what would be nice?  A day of love and romance you DIDN'T EXPECT!  A massage out of the blue.  A night on the town for no reason at all.  A day where your man walks in from work and you're cooking up dinner in a sexy teddy that isn't red NOR pink!

Put that in your Valentine's pipe and smoke it!

Shank You...Shank You Very Much

I'm always looking for interesting foods to try.  So on a visit to Costco the other day, I noticed something I had never seen in the meat section.  Veal shanks.  It was a pretty exciting discovery, since most of our local grocery stores never uncover anything interesting.  I usually go to Whole Foods or Fresh Market if I'm in the need for something exotic (though we do have a lot of cool International food markets in Memphis I need to check out).

I have no idea what to do with a veal shank.  The last time I ate veal, I was so disturbed by the fact that it was a baby cow, that I just never had an urge to try it again.  Until now.  And I must say...baby cow is yummy.  That's right PETA...I said it.  But don't get your panties in a bunch.  I, in no way, shape, or form, condone cruelty to animals.  But I am in love with peasant food.  I have a strange desire to eat like people used to eat in the old country.  From the land.  So although I don't have a calf farm, I still love to recreate dishes that I imagine were cooked for hours on end by old ladies with gray hair down to their butts.  Old ladies that would beat you to death with a wooden spoon if you ever questioned their cooking ability.  Mean ass old ladies.  The original bitches in the kitchen.

I've seen Osso Buco on many menus, so I gave it a whirl.  There are literally thousands of ways to cook it.  So I took ideas from a few different recipes, based on what I like, and recreated my own.  So if you're going to chastise me for not making this 100% authentic, please do, so I can laugh at you.  I never claim to be a chef...but a bitch??...now that's a different story.

~ 4 veal shanks (I tied mine with kitchen twine, but don't waste your time, 'cuz it'll still taste fine, if you leave that step behind...yes, that all rhymed).
~ Flour
~ Salt & Pepper
~ 4 tbsp. of Olive Oil and 1 tbsp. of butter
~ Small Onion, diced
~ 2 carrots, diced
~ 2 stalks of celery, diced
~ 4 cloves of garlic, minced  
~ 1 cup of white wine
~ 2 cups of chicken stock (I used homemade, because I'm cool like that, but store bought will be just fine).
~ 2 sprigs of rosemary, 2 sprigs of thyme and a handful of parsley

Preheat oven to 350.  Pat the shanks dry and salt and pepper generously.  Flour both sides of the shanks and pat off excess.  Heat butter and olive oil over medium heat until very hot.  Brown the veal shanks on both sides (about 6-8 minutes per side).  Remove shanks.  Add in onion, celery and carrot and cook for about 6 minutes until tender.  Add in garlic and cook for another minute.  Add in wine and scrape up all the bits of badness (and by badness I mean goodness).  Cook for about 5 minutes, reducing the sauce by half.  Add in chicken stock until shanks are just about covered.  Add in herbs and cover pot.  Place in oven for 1 1/2 hours.  Check it every 30 minutes to make sure your liquid isn't evaporating too quickly and add more if it is.  You'll know it's done when the meat is fork tender.

This dish is traditionally served with risotto or polenta and I just so happened to have polenta, so that's what I served it with.  I sauteed the polenta cakes in olive oil and grated some Parmesan cheese on top.  Then I put a shank on top of the polenta and added some of the juice.  I also sprinkled it with a bit of gremolata to keep it more on the traditional side. 

So, cheers to you, baby cow.  Oh wait, you're not even old enough to drink yet!  Ok then, word to ya Moo-ther!??  Ok, I'm going to just end on that stupid joke :-)

Chick-a-Peas

Last night, I found myself a little hungry.  I wasn't in the mood to cook a big meal.  Just wanted something to tide me over for the rest of the night.  So I looked in the fridge...found nothing.  Looked in the pantry...jack.  Looked in the cabinet...threw away a bunch of stale boxes of Triscuits, and some La Choy, Chow Mein noodles.  Moved around a bunch of cans of food I was tortured with by babysitters as a child (that's right...Cream of Mushroom Soup...great punishment for a kid).  Then I found a can of Chickpeas.  You know, chickpeas.  The heart and soul of hummus.  And I remembered seeing someone, somewhere, roast them until they became crunchy.  And if you know me, I have this thing about me where I love crunchy food.  Anything that threatens to break my teeth while eating it, count me in.  Must be part of my caveman instinct.  I never have claimed to be a girly, girl.  And so I decided to make this for dinner.* (Refer to warning at the bottom of this page).

So back to this recipe.  It's easy as hell.  Why do people say that?  Hell isn't supposed to be easy.  If it were, we'd all be trying our damndest to be damned to hell.  It's easy as pie.  Pie isn't easy either.  At least for this non-baker.  It's easy as sliced bread.  I once almost lost a finger slicing bread.  It's easy like Sunday morning.  Unless of course you raged like a rockstar on Saturday night, then Sunday morning can be VERY difficult.  It's easy as 1, 2, 3.  Yeah...even this mathematically challenged girl can do 1, 2, 3!!!  Here's the recipe:

Preheat your oven to 450 degrees
Open a can of chickpeas, and drain them (don't rinse them)
Dry off the chickpeas very well with a paper towel
Put the chickpeas on a baking pan with a rim, so you don't have a chickpea party in your oven
Pour about 1 tablespoon of olive oil over the chickpeas and rub them around to coat them
Add salt and pepper and cayenne
Rub the spices into the chickpeas and place them in the oven
Check them every 20 minutes and shake 'em around so they don't burn
Let them roast for about 40 minutes (make sure to check them frequently so they don't burn, because they can very easily do so).
Take them out of the oven when they are brown and crispy and let them rest for 5 minutes
Then...pop those suckers into your mouth.  They remind me a lot of those wasabi peas.

 *Warning ~ I do not suggest making this your entire dinner.  Use this recipe for snacking at a party.  These bad boys pack in 16% of your daily fiber intake.  I learned the hard way that eating an entire can of chickpeas may be one of the best colon cleansing foods around!!  Again, I never claimed to be a girly, girl!

Food Faux Pas

Hi, my name is Jessica Halliday, and I am a food snob.  And damn proud of it.  It's not easy being a food snob.  I snub my nose up to chain restaurants, electric stoves, canned foods like chili, bagged meats like pot roast.  I realize that a mother of 3 with a full-time job (hell, just a mother of 1 alone) will often choose convenience over freshness.  But since I am not a mother of 3, nor do I have a full-time job, I can say all this stuff and not feel the least bit guilty about it!  Because I am a Bitch 'n the Kitchen, and that's how I do.

Last night, I was at my beautiful friend Natalie's house, watching her cook dinner.  Now I love me some Natalie, but I had to scold her on few of the items she had in her fridge.  And here they are:

 
I realize this is convenient.  But if you've ever cooked with this garlic, you MUST taste the bitterness of it.  It just doesn't have the right garlicky taste that I love so much!  It doesn't even smell right. How hard is it to buy some garlic and mince it up?  You can even do it with one of those handy garlic presses so you don't smell like garlic all day (though I prefer that to any perfume).

Here was my next annoyance:

 

Yep.  Margarine.  It's not THAT much better for you, yet tastes THAT much unlike the real deal...Butter.  Butter is just better, people.  There's no denying it.  I sometimes use butter as lip gloss when I'm out!  (I'm not kidding). Name a noted chef that uses Margarine and I'll eat an entire stick of that crap.

Which brings me to my next jar of crap. 

I'm sorry, but I don't eat anything that is drowning in urine.  Try these instead, you can find them by the lunch meat in your grocery store. 

And finally, this (which Natalie pointed out to me, so she may have a little food snob in her too):

Grate your own Parmesan cheese.  It will taste SOOOOO much better!  And in the end, it will save you SOOO much money.

Now, I have to say, regardless of her few bad choices at the grocery store.  Natalie did make a mean ass pasta dinner.

Just like my ancestors (in another life) would have made.  I swear I was Italian in a past life. 

So there you have it.  Some of the many things I am a food snob about.  What are you a food snob about??

Just Sayin...

If you have one of these in your fridge and/or cabinet....we can no longer be friends.  Go buy a friggin' lemon for cryin' out loud.

 

Photo from Google Images

Pleaser Caesar

So lately I've been eating a lot of salad for lunch.  Trying to keep this 34-year-old girlish figure, ya know?  Somebody's got to keep up with that bitch Reese Witherspoon.  (Just kiddin' Reesie Piecy...you know I love you, especially in that movie Freeway).

Mr. Caesar Salad.  Oh, Mr. Caesar Salad.  If you only could be good everywhere I order you.  I've had my share of horrific Caesar Salads.  Soggy breadcrumbs, wilted Romaine, drowning in dressing that tastes straight out of a jar, chicken that is directly out of the freezer, microwaved, and is questionable on whether or not it's really even chicken.  I've had a lot of depressing lunch dates with Mr. Caesar.  So the other day when I was craving one, I decided to not be stood up by that bastard of a salad anymore.  I was going to make my own, one that was a perfect match, like Weird Science.  Here's what I did:

I bought some REAL chicken breasts from the store.  Chicken that may have at one time been frozen, but wasn't when I bought it.  Don't trust any other chicken.  I then beat the crap out of said chicken breast because I was having a bad day.  Not really...I just wanted it to cook quickly, so I took my meat mallet (giggity) to it to thin it out a little.  I then seasoned it with salt & pepper and garlic powder.  Then I cooked it in olive oil on medium high for about 4 minutes per side.  When it was finished, I put it on a plate to let it chill while I made the salad.

In my food processor, I put (ok, pardon the measurements) about a tablespoon of Dijon mustard, another tablespoon of anchovy paste, 3 cloves of chopped garlic, the juice from 1/2 a lemon (you can add more or less depending on how much you like lemon), a splash of Worcestershire sauce, 1 raw egg yolk and salt and pepper.  Then you turn that sucker on high and drizzle in a stream of olive oil (a good one, not something you bought for $4), about 1/4 to 1/2 a cup until it starts to emulsify (which is just a fancy term for coming together, you'll know when it's right).

Taste it and add lemon or salt or pepper or more garlic, whatever it needs to taste good to you.  Cooking is all about what YOU like.  And how hard can that be?  Add the dressing to some clean, chopped Romaine (grilled Romaine is even better, try it sometime) and add in your own, or some sort of bagged/boxed crouton that you like.  Cut up the chicken and there you have it.  A Caesar good enough to take home to your mom and dad.
  

 

I'm not down with OPP, OPE, OPT or OPC

This is one of those things about me that I can't fully explain, but I'm going to do my best.  OPP = Other People's Potato Salad.  OPE = Other People's Egg Salad.  OPT = Other People's Tuna Salad and obviously OPC = Other People's Chicken Salad. 

I can't eat other people's salads.  Freaks me out.  Maybe it's because there's no telling how you make yours.  I have no idea what you put in it.  And I don't like not knowing what's going inside of me!  Maybe it's the sound of these salads as they are being stirred.  That sound has always made me a little uneasy.  But I prefer to be in charge of that sound.  I don't want to eat your sound.  Maybe it's because of the way they look.  All mashed together like no one really even tried to make them look pretty.  Maybe I should change my blog to "Lunatic in the Kitchen".

To-MAY-to, To-MAH-to

This my friends is what a tomato should look like.  That is all.

Carbonara-U-Kidding Me?

Easiest food to make with things I ALWAYS have on hand.  Who doesn't always have eggs, spaghetti, Parmesan cheese, pepper, salt, garlic, parsley and bacon on hand.  If you don't, well, I just don't understand you. 

Ok, so I here's my only disclaimer.  This has raw eggs in it.  They get cooked enough from the heat from the spaghetti, but if you've got a bun in the oven...wait until you pop that sucker out to try this.  And if you are sick in any way...GET BETTER, so that you CAN try this.

So here's where it gets a little complicated.  You have to multi-task like a mo' fo'.  You have to be cooking the spaghetti and have it timed perfectly so that when you add the sauce to it, it's hot enough to cook those eggs!  So here's the easiest way for me to get it all done right.

Chop the garlic (3 cloves)
Chop the parsley (a handful - this is a very technical term, I know)
Cut the bacon in to small cubes (four slices)
Grate 1 1/2 cups of Parmesan (don't dare use the canned stuff...that is not Parmesan)
Crack 2 eggs into a bowl
Whisk Eggs & Parmesan together & add a ton of pepper (ton - another technical term) and a little bit o' salt (Parmesan is salty enough).  Now taste it...just kidding...it's got raw eggs in it, silly! 

Cook pasta as usual.  I use a good, wait for it...handful.  Add it to a pot of boiling, salted water.  

Get a large skillet and cook the bacon until crisp.  Add the garlic and stir until it makes your house smell delicious.  (by this time your pasta should be done)

Drain the pasta, saving some of the pasta water for later.  The second your pasta is drained, add it to the skillet with the bacon and garlic and toss it around to coat it. 

Now here's where you gotta work quick.  You must add the Parmesan/egg mixture into the pasta, stirring like a mad woman/man so as to not scramble your eggs.  If the mixture is a little too thick, add in some of the pasta water until everything is smooth.  Add in the parsley and mix it all together one last time.     

Now plate it up and eat that yummy stuff! 

JapaKnees Weak Chicken

This is my death row meal.  I'm not kidding.  If I ever go crazy enough to get a death sentence, this is the main course I request for my last day on Earth.  It's called Japanese chicken, but I think it's only appropriate for its name to be upgraded to JapaKnees Weak Chicken, because it will literally make you weak in the knees.  We got the recipe from my Aunt Sharon many, many years ago and I've been making it myself since I was about 15 years old.  I almost hesitated to share it because it's one of those recipes that shouldn't be shared.  I really don't want you to even know about it, but I feel bad for all you poor souls who have never tasted it.  I will stop now with my raving, but know this...do not, I repeat, DO NOT make this meal for anyone you are not 100% friends with.  Because they will be back.  And they will want more.

Chicken (about 2-3 breasts will feed about 3-4 people with sides, but who the hell wants sides with this?)
Corn Starch
Vegetable Oil
Marinade (the longer you do this, the better.  I usually try to marinate my chicken in the morning, giving it at least 8 hours to absorb):
Soy Sauce
Peanut Oil
Red Wine
I will explain how much in a minute (sort of...measuring is not my forte).


First, cut chicken into bite sized chunks.  Place your chicken in a bowl that will allow for enough liquid to cover it.  Cover chicken almost entirely in soy sauce.  Splash a good glug of red wine in with it (maybe 1/8 cup).  Then add in about 1 tablespoon of sesame oil.  It should taste very soy saucy with a good hint of peanut oil.  I have also been adding in a splash of Mongolian fire oil because I love heat.  Stir it all together so it's combined, cover with plastic wrap and put it in the fridge.

Once your chicken has been marinating for a good 6-8 hours, get a ziplock bag and some cornstarch.  I usually use about 1/2 can of cornstarch for about 3 chicken breasts.  Put cornstarch in the ziplock and add chicken (drained of the soy mixture) in batches so everything gets evenly coated.  Place coated chicken on a cutting board.  Once all the chicken is coated, place a large pot on the stove filled with vegetable oil.  You are about to deep fry, so make sure you have enough oil for the chicken to swim in and make sure you have a fire extinguisher handy!

Heat oil in pot to 350 and add chicken to oil in batches of about 8-9 pieces of chicken.  Stir so they don't stick.  It takes about 5-6 minutes per batch.  The chicken will float when it's ready and it will be a dark brown.

Lately, I've been making a mustard dipping sauce with Country Style Grey Poupon (the grainy one) and a little mayo or sour cream, whichever you prefer.  Or you can eat it by itself.  I would eat this chicken off the floor of a barn. 

Eat up Johnny.  And don't forget...keep this one a secret unless you really love someone.  It's my most favorite thing in the whole world.  Don't make me kick your ass for passing it along to just any old Joe Schmoe.  This one is special.

The Hummus Among Us

I need to go to Greece.  ASAP.  I once had a guy named Nicoli teach me how to say "eat shit" in Greek.  Knee-tros Skat-aah (obviously my spelling is off, but that's the phonetic version).  Or at least that's what he said it was.  I was probably going around all night telling people that I had a third nipple for all I know! 

This recipe, my friends, is the opposite of eating shit.  It is the simple, easy-to-clean-up recipe for hummus that I crave on a weekly basis.   

One can of Chickpeas (reserve liquid)
4-8 Cloves of Garlic (I like to burp up garlic for the rest of the day, so I go with 8)
1/2-1 lemon
1/4 cup of Tahini (if you can't find Tahini or you don't want to spend $9 on it, buy one of those natural peanut butters and use the oil that settles on top)
Salt
Olive Oil (about 1/2 cup)
Pita Bread (the fresher the better)
Herbes de Provence (or any dried herb you like)

Here's what you do.  Throw the chickpeas (not the liquid just yet), the garlic, lemon and tahini into a food processor and pulse until pasty.  Start to add in olive oil.  If your hummus isn't getting all smooth and creamy, add in the chickpea liquid until it's reached your desired consistency.  Add salt.  Now here's the fun part.  Taste it.  If you need more garlic, add it.  If you need more lemon, squeeze it in.  This is one of those recipes that you have to stand over the food processor and dip your finger into over and over again until you get that perfect hummus!  I even add a little cayenne to spice mine up!

Once you have made the hummus you would be proud to serve to your friends and family, preheat your oven to 350.  Take out your fresh pita (we are fortunate to live near a store that makes them fresh daily Thank you Jerusalem Market & Restaurant on Summer Avenue) and spray the top with a very light coating of PAM.  Sprinkle Herbes de Provence on the pita and add a little Kosher salt.  Bake for 3-5 minutes, just until the pita is soft and warmed through.

Knee-tros Skat-aah!  Or rather, enjoy your delicious hummus!  

   

The One & Only Mike & Tony's

They claim to be the "Greek Answer to McDonald's", but in my opinion, that really doesn't do this place any justice.  They are nothing like McDonald's.  NOTHING.  They don't look like a McDonald's, they don't operate like a McDonald's, and they sure as hell don't taste like a McDonald's.  The main reason being, their food is FRESH.  Yes, FRESH.  It is made to order.  It hasn't been sitting under a heat lamp all day.  It's made from REAL ingredients.  I banned McDonald's from my body long ago.  I don't even let my friends bring their McDonald's into my house.  It's not welcome here.  You eat outside.

Back to the lecture at hand...(thanks Snoop).  My dad taught my sister and I a LOT about food.  Mainly, to not be afraid of it.  To try new things.  So it's no wonder my dad knows a ton of little hole in the wall restaurants in Pittsburgh.  One of them being Mike & Tony's. 

I can't tell you the first time I ate at Mike & Tony's in the South Side of Pittsburgh.  It's probably because I went into a state of bliss with the first bite I took.  I'm pretty sure I was young, maybe twelve or so.  I can tell you that I've only ordered the gyro and french fries and I've never eaten anything else off the menu.  There is no need to.  The gyro is the best gyro you will ever eat.  Ever since I've moved away from Pittsburgh, I've been searching for my Mike & Tony's gyro, with no luck.  That's 19 years people.  For 19 years, I've been searching for my Mike & Tony's away from Mike & Tony's.  

Fortunately, my dad still lives in the 'Burgh and makes SURE to put aside some time to visit my favorite gyro place in the world.  On my last visit, we tried to figure out what makes them so good.  My dad thinks it's the tzatziki sauce they make.  Which is so fresh and cold and is a great contrast to the hot spicy lamb meat!  I think it's their pitas.  They are so soft.  They taste like they just came out of the oven.  Which is usually my problem with OPG (Other People's Gyro's ~ thanks Naughty by Nature).  The pitas seem old.  I am most definitely not down with OPG.    

But honestly, I think Mike & Tony's just makes their gyros with such love.  The meat is so juicy and well seasoned and they don't skimp on the amount they give you.  The lettuce, onion and tomato are fresh as can be.  The pita is soft and delicious.  And the tzatziki is fresh and flavorful.  If you are ever in Pittsburgh, please do yourself a favor and head to Mike & Tony's for the best gyro in the United States and maybe even the entire world!  I will forever be in search of my Mike & Tony's away from Mike & Tony's, but I'm pretty sure they are a one-of-a-kind.  

Ciao Bella Panzanella

Translation ~ Hello Beautiful Bread Salad!!

Yesterday I woke up feeling like crap.  Not only did someone break out the window of my broken car I was going to try to sell, to steal my broken CD player, but I had a little too much Saki at sushi dinner the night before.  Whose brilliant idea was it to pair alcohol with raw fish?  That's not drinking food!  That's a hangover waiting to happen!  Needless to say, for lunch I ate the heck out of some Mexican food to relieve the headache.  So for dinner, I needed something light and semi-healthy to get me back on track for my weekend at the Lake.

I was inspired by a show I saw on Food Network, Barefoot Contessa, where I first learned about Panzanella.  Basically, Panzanella is an Italian bread salad that consists of pretty much anything you have on hand.  Usually it has tomato, onion, bread, basil, oil and vinegar.  But there are many variations.  Here's how I made mine:

First I took a loaf of Italian boule and cut it into 1 inch chunks.  Then I put about 1 tablespoon of olive oil in a pan and added the bread with some salt (I use Kosher salt...I like it so much better than table salt).  While the bread browns (make sure you stir it often), I cut up tomatoes, cucumber, red pepper and red onion and tossed it all in a bowl with some salt & pepper, a tiny bit of olive oil and a tiny bit of vinegar.  Forgive my lack of measurement.  Just do it to your taste.  If you don't like vinegar, don't use much.  I personally can drink olive oil out of the bottle, so I use a little more when I cook the bread than most might.

Once the bread is to your desired level of crunch (again, do what you like, I like my bread to be cut-the-inside-of-my-mouth crunchy) add it on top of your veggies.  Top with some shaved Parmesan and you've got yourself a delicious Italian bread salad.    



 

Wham, Bam, Thank you, Lamb!

As most of you know, Craig and I try to make at least one elaborate dinner each week. It's either something we know and love or sometimes we try to conquer something only a seasoned chef could pull off, most times with no problem, (toot toot on my horn!) We don't do dinner parties very often, mainly because I have the same fear that George Costanza's dad did on Seinfeld - poisoning all my guests! But this week I got creative during one of our dinners and took photos of our Roasted Rack of Lamb dinner with a dijon, garlic, rosemary, breadcrumb crust, so I thought I'd share the recipe with you all since it's definitely one that will win over guests, or if you're in trouble with the wife/husband, will most likely win back their affection. 

First things first, I'm not a professional chef, as you may know. So I'm not going to give you exact measurements, especially for this dish because as far as I'm concerned, you can't add too much of anything to it! Here is the list of ingredients. 

1 rack of lamb (we get ours at Costco - cheapo!)

Dijon Mustard

3-4 cloves of garlic, minced

3 sprigs of rosemary, finely chopped

1 handful of parsley, chopped

Olive oil

about 1 1/2 cups of Breadcrumbs 

Pre-heat your oven to 425. Wash & dry the lamb.  Then put the dried rack on top of a cooling rack, fat side up and place that on top of a sheet pan covered in aluminum foil (for easy clean up). Next, generously salt and pepper both sides of the lamb.  Cover the rack with the dijon mustard and sprinkle on the chopped rosemary (I like my rosemary chopped pretty fine so I'm not chewing rosemary branches while I eat). 

Next, mix the garlic, parsley and breadcrumbs in a small bowl. Add olive oil until the mixture is no longer dry but don't add so much olive oil that it's pasty - you want a crumby mixture, that sort of resembles wet sand. Once you get the desired consistency, take the breadcrumb mixture and pack it onto the rack of lamb until it's completely covered. 

Cover the bones with aluminum foil so they don't burn. I insert a meat thermometer into the meaty part of the chops first so that I can just pull out the meat at 135 degrees (for medium rare), approximately 25 minutes. Then let the rack rest for 10 minutes to keep in all those yummy juices. Cut between each bone (your knife will pretty much tell you where you can go) and enjoy!  I usually eat the outer chops since they are usually cooked slightly more, while Craig eats his meat while it breathes! 

I kid you not, you will say wham, bam, thank you lamb when you take your first bite.

Cravings for Cubans

I get mad cravings.  Some of my days are entirely ruined because I can't satisfy a craving I have.  I mean seriously, what's a girl got to do to get an extra toasted Everything bagel with a little butter?? And by Everything I mean salt, poppy seeds, caraway seeds, sesame seeds, garlic and onion.  Don't try to give me a bagel with sesame and poppy seeds and call it an Everything bagel...now them's are fightin' words.  And by toasted, I mean browned and crunchy.  Not white and dried out.  And by a little butter, I mean spread a light coating of butter on.  Don't get out your boat oar to schmear so much butter on that I have to get my canoe and put on my life jacket to take a single bite.

See, I get cravings.  And they are specific.  And I want them to be made the exact way I dream them up.  So the other day I was craving a Cuban sandwich.  I've only taken a bite of someone's Cuban before.  I have never actually ordered one.  So I figured that I would just make my own, because that's the only way I was going to get it like I wanted it.  And here's how I did it.

I took a pork tenderloin and poked a million holes in it and marinated it in orange juice, garlic, salt & pepper and lime juice for about 4 hours.  Then I roasted it at 325 for about 30 minutes.  Then I sliced it paper thin.  Then I got some french bread, the soft kind, not the kind that breaks your teeth (though I love that kind) and I cut it in half and put yellow mustard on both sides.  Then I put the thinly sliced pork on the bottom, topped that with Virginia baked ham from the deli.  Then I topped the ham with dill pickles and then Swiss cheese.  Then I topped it with the other half of the bread and panini pressed the whole thing.  It was toasted perfectly, melty, mustardy, porky, hammy and cheesy!  And I couldn't have bought it anywhere and had it taste as good.  Try it!

A Garden of Eatin'

A Facebook friend of mine started posting pictures of her daily lunches consisting of all raw fruits and vegetables.  I would drool at the image of bananas, beets and cherries on her plate.  But I never did anything about it.  Until now bitches...

Meet my delicious, guilt free lunch consisting of avocado, red pepper, peaches, plums, grapes, cucumber, tomato and Gouda cheese (cheese causes me no guilt - it's Gouda for you!) Yes, I went there.  Thanks for the inspiration Shelby!

Souper Black Bean Recipe

Here's my quick and easy recipe for Black Bean Soup. This recipe will make about 4 normal sized bowls of soup. If your Craig and I, it will make 2 bowls. But who ever said we were normal?

5 strips of bacon, cubed
1 1/4 cup of onion, I prefer Spanish because I like their accent.
3 cloves of garlic
3/4 cup chicken stock
1 can of diced tomatoes
2 cans of black beans, strained, but not rinsed (make sure you will be alone after you eat this soup, or at least eat it with someone you feel comfortable ripping hideous farts in front of! ~ I'm just being honest).
1 tablespoon ketchup
1 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce
1/2 teaspoon chili powder
1 tablespoon of cayenne (we like it hot around these parts)
1 tablespoon of Sriracha (get this stuff if you've never tasted it, it's in the Asian section of your grocery store)
Salt and pepper to taste

In a large pot, cook bacon to your desired crispness. I like mine a little more on the crisp side. Add in onion, and cook until you can see through the little buggers or until translucent. Add in garlic until you can start to smell its deliciousness. Add in chicken stock and scrape all the bits of flavor off the bottom of the pan. Add in can of tomatoes and the 2 cans of beans. Then throw the rest of the stuff in and stir. Bring to a boil and simmer for about 15 minutes.

At this point, you can eat the soup as is. I personally like to throw it all in a blender (BE CAREFUL PEOPLE, I've had black bean soup burn the hell out of my hand and spray my entire kitchen because I overfilled the blender with hot soup. So only blend a few ladles at a time, do not learn the hard way). After you get it all blended, put it in a bowl and top with cheese, sour cream, green onion and cilantro.  Eat with tortillas.

Fastest, Fiberlicious, most Delicious, Fartiest meal you'll have!

Easiest, Yummiest, Summertime Dinner EVER!

Beef with Bacon & Bleu Slider

Jalapeno, Cheddar Beef Slider

Lamb Burger with Arugula & Rosemary/Garlic Mayonnaise

Sliders are the fastest, easiest thing to do for a large crowd of people because all you really have to deal with is making the burgers and providing the toppings. I stuck my buns in the oven at 350 for about 10 minutes. Seasoned Ground Beef & Ground Lamb with Cavender's and grilled the burgers for about 5 minutes. Then we just put whatever we had in our fridge on top! Delicious, fast food that tastes WAY better than any fast food restaurant. And I highly recommend the lamb...baaaahhh!

Nelly Frittata

I've been trying to do the gluten free thing, but as you know, bread is my weakness. So even though I'm pretty sure I have a gluten allergy, it's just not easy for me to consistently eat like I should. Me without bread is like Abbott without Costello, like breakfast without bacon, like a junkie without a fix. It just doesn't work, and there's no reason to put my loving husband through the pain that is me, without bread. But since I'm trying to be good to my only-get-one-chance body, I have been trying to make some adjustments to my diet. And this is one of the latest gluten free creations. Chorizo, Egg & Potato Frittata. And yes, I am aware that this type of eating is not good for me either :) I'm a glutton for good food, it puts a smile on my face! Don't make me explain the junkie without a fix thing again.

Recipe here.

For the Halibut

Potato Encrusted Halibut



Encrusting anything is hard. I usually end up with a decrusted, encrusted piece of chicken or fish every time I try this method of cooking, but this is a no fail recipe. At least, I got it right the first time, so I'm calling it a no fail recipe. I put the fish over a bed of wilted garlicky spinach and had a side of arugula salad with a lemon vinaigrette and a shaving of Parmesan. The potatoes turned out perfectly crispy, and the fish, perfectly flaky! Try it! Here's the recipe.

PS - I didn't use Yukon Gold, I just used a good ol' Russet. And I also don't have a mandolin, so I used a potato peeler to make thin slices.

Sexiest Veg

My new favorite veggie has to be the beautiful Swiss chard. Not only is it delicious, it's also tasty and healthy too! And damn it if its not one of the sexiest greens! Here's how I eat it.

Rinse and dry the chard and cut off the rough ends. Chop up about 2 slices of thick cut bacon (you can leave this part out if you're trying to watch your weight or don't do the pork thing). Add bacon to a large saute pan and cook until almost crisp (just use olive oil if you skip the bacon). Add in about 3 cloves of chopped garlic and a teaspoon of crushed red pepper. Once the garlic becomes soft add in the stems of the chard, cut into about 1 inch pieces. Stir the stems coating them with the bacon grease or olive oil and then add about 1 cup of chicken stock. Keep at a medium heat until the chicken stock reduces and stalks are tender, then add in the chard leaves, roughly chopped. Wilt the leaves as you would spinach and add salt and pepper to taste.

It's such a quick and tasty side dish! Your family will love you for it.

Take Me to Bread or Lose Me Forever

Breads. French Bread, Sourdough, Multi-grain, Whole grain, Soda bread, Pita bread, Bagels, Baguettes, Naan, Rye, Boule, Foccacia, Ciabatta, Flatbread. There are literally thousands of types of Bread. Every culture has a Bread. Bread can be used as a utensil. It can be used to keep cookies soft. Hell, here's 7 uncommon uses for Bread right here . You can eat it for breakfast, lunch, dinner and dessert. Bread is heavenly. I love Bread. If you know me, you know that if I had my pick of one last thing to stick in my mouth, it would be buttered Bread. Textured Breads are my favorite. If I nearly break my jaw chewing Bread, I'm in heaven. If I chip a tooth off some seed or grain in my Bread, don't send me to the Dentist, just give me a piece of Bread and I'll make a tooth mold from it. Notice that the word Bread is capitalized here. That's because Bread is so good. It deserves nothing less than capitalization!

My point is...Bread is awesome. And you should make your own, because besides eating Bread, there's nothing better than your entire house smelling like Bread. I suck at baking, but since I love Bread so much, I've decided to give it a go...for Bread's sake. And here are my new Bread babies:

Rosemary, Salt & Pepper Ciabatta Bread

And...

Multi-grain Whole Wheat Bread

Aren't they beautiful? I have already eaten both of them and they were delicious, and healthier than the Bread you buy in the grocery store, because you actually have free reign over what ingredients to use. If you want true whole grain Bread (not the crap that SAYS it's whole grain), you can make true whole grain Bread. If you'd rather have sesame seeds and flax seed than oatmeal and cracked wheat, by all means, add in whatever makes you happy!

I will probably look a little doughy in a bathing suit this year, but at least I'll smell like freshly baked BREAD!!

(The Multigrain recipe is adapted from America's Test Kitchen Recipe and the Ciabatta recipe was made after watching an episode of Anne Burrell's "Secret's of a Restaurant Chef", so if you want 'em - search for 'em and if you can't find them, I guess I will give them up if you ask nicely.)

Finally Mastered Scallops

Usually when I make scallops they turn out resembling the texture of a rubber eraser. You know, the pink kind that we all once chewed on in Elementary School. Don't act like you never put one of those in your mouth. But this time, they turned out perfectly! They could have been a little more browned, I know, but the texture was similar to the texture of scallops I pay $22 bucks a plate for at nice restaurants! Melt in your mouth delicate. And this meal was healthy! Asparagus, cherry tomatoes, garlic, shallot, a little lemon, a touch of butter, crushed red pepper, salt & black pepper and some chicken broth. All sauteed together in one pan. Don't be afraid of scallops. Even if they turn out bad the first couple of times, they still taste good. But when you finally master them you can invite people over and blow their minds with your expert scallop cooking techniques!

The Southerner Within

I have always loved Southern food. Grits, cornbread, black-eyed peas, biscuits and gravy, home cookin' that takes all day long to make and makes the entire house fill up with comforting aromas, it's a thing of beauty. I also love big antebellum homes surrounded by beautiful azalea bushes. I used to think I MUST have been a Southerner in a past life. But then I remember how improper I am.

Turducken — The Ultimate in Thanksgiving Gorging

This is an article I wrote back in 2005. Tis the season...

We the people have been known to take our eating habits to the extreme. From fad diets such as Atkins and South Beach, to having the highest obesity rate in the world, we either love to starve ourselves or strive to be the most gluttonous people on the planet.

Let’s talk Turducken. A turducken is a turkey stuffed with a duck, stuffed with a chicken. Turducken is the latest Thanksgiving craze and is on its way to becoming more popular than the much loved fried turkey. However, the Cajun concocted turducken has been around for quite some time, it has only recently become something to serve at the Thanksgiving table.

The turducken is said to have been invented in the 1980s by famous chef Paul Prudhomme. According to Prudhomme, he first started making Turduckens in the 60s and began manufacturing the dish in the 80s. Today, prepared Turduckens sell from around $80-$115 dollars (not including shipping) and are increasingly gaining popularity around Thanksgiving time.

If you are one of the many brave meat lovers in the world, you can make this “tri-brid” from scratch at home, as long as you have a good set of knives, an accurate oven and about 15 hours. And if you’re a vegetarian, PETA activist, or just plain faint of heart, please read on at your own discretion.

First, you’ll need a 20-25 pound turkey, a five-pound duck and a four-pound chicken, according to Prudhomme’s recipe at Chef Paul's website.

Next comes the blood, sweat and tears. You must de-bone all three of these birds because one of the unique things about a turducken is that you can slice right through it, unlike the traditional Thanksgiving turkey where you must cut around the carcass to get to the meat.

De-boning the birds is difficult and only gets easier with practice, which is probably why many people choose to buy their turduckens. If cracking the bones of an innocent, dead bird makes you ill, check out cajunstuff.com for information on buying one.

After you de-bone the turkey, the duck, and chicken will be much easier. When you have finally made all three birds boneless it’s time to concentrate on the stuffings. Yes, I said stuffings, with an s. A turducken wouldn’t be completely gluttonous without three different kinds of stuffing — one for each bird. You’ll need about 12 cups of dressing for a 25-pound bird. Chef Paul’s traditional turducken recipe requires andouille sausage stuffing, cornbread stuffing and finally, shrimp stuffing.

The assembly of the turducken is the fun part. Laying the boneless turkey flat on a surface, thoroughly season with 1/3 of the seasoning called for in Prudhomme’s recipe. Pack the cold andouille sausage stuffing into the leg, wing and thigh cavities of the turkey, being careful not to overstuff, as overstuffing will cause the leg and wing to burst open during cooking. After packing the cavities, spread an even layer of stuffing over the rest of the meat, using about seven cups of stuffing so it’s about three-quarters of an inch thick.

Next, place the duck, skin side down, on top of the dressing so that it lies evenly over the turkey and is about one-half of an inch thick. Rub with seasoning and use about 4 cups of the cornbread stuffing to cover the duck meat.

Finally, lay the chicken skin side down on top of the cornbread stuffing, season and stuff with the shrimp stuffing (about 2 cups).

Once you are finished stuffing smaller critters into bigger critters and cramming all three birds with stuffing, your next step will require a team effort. You’ll need two people to squeeze the right and left side of the turkey around the other birds like you do to your luggage when you pack too heavily for a trip; one to sew the bird up and try to make it resemble the turkey it once was, and another to hold open the oven door while the rest of you strong-arm your meal into a 190 degree Fahrenheit oven. The turducken will need about 12-13 hours of roasting time and about an hour to cool. So be sure to have a selection of appetizers on hand for your drooling guests.

If you follow the recipe from Chef Paul, you can feed up to 34 guests. Having a larger party than that? In Texas, where everything is bigger, they have the pigturducken, which is, you guessed it, a chicken squeezed into a duck, squeezed into a turkey, squeezed into a pig.

Turduckens are the newest in extreme cooking and because they are so challenging, they are so rewarding to eat. Although turduckens may not be suitable for the flavorfully or carnivorously challenged, your more adventurous guests are sure to eat it up.

If you think you have the time, energy, strength and patience to take on a turducken, go to Chef Paul's website to shock, astonish or simply mortify your guests at your next dinner party.

Macaroni n' Cha Cha Cheese

Ahhh...the things Macaroni n' Cheese can do for the soul. It cures depression, anxiety, stress, erectile dysfunction (yes, indeedy), etc. It's creamy deliciousness can turn a bad day into a day of bliss. It can also rid you of that cheese that's about to spoil if you don't do something with it soon. Here's my recipe for the best Mac n' Cha Cha Cheese:

1 box of macaroni (boiled according to package instructions)
6 slices of cooked bacon
3 tablespoons of flour
3 tablespoons of butter
1 cup of onion
3 cloves of garlic
1 cup of milk (for extra creamy m&c I use 1/2 cup of half n half & 1/2 cup of milk)
Then for the cheese, I use whatever's in my fridge. For this particular recipe I used about 2 oz. of blue cheese, 2 oz. of Gruyere and about 1 cup of a cheddar/monterey jack mix.
1 tsp. cayenne pepper
1/4 cup of bread crumbs
1/2 cup parmesan cheese
salt n pepper

Cook macaroni, strain and set aside. In a large saucepan melt butter and saute onion until soft. Mix in garlic and cook for an additional minute. Mix in flour to create a roux. Cook flour for about 2 minutes so you don't get a gluish taste. Add in milk and bring to a boil, stirring like a mad man so as to not scold the milk. Reduce mixture to a simmer and allow to thicken.

Once the mixture is thick enough that it coats a wooden spoon, add in cheese and stir until cheese is melted and mixture is creamy goodness. Add in cayenne, and salt and pepper to taste. Then mix in crumbled bacon bits. (Do not use baco's or I will hunt you down and kill you).

Add macaroni to the cheese mixture (I add macaroni in slowly. Sometimes I have enough cheese sauce for the entire box of macaroni, sometimes I don't, so I eyeball it). Transfer mac n' cheese mix to a large casserole dish. Top with the breadcrumbs, spreading an even, light layer to the top. Top breadcrumbs with parmesan cheese and lightly drizzle olive oil over the top of the casserole dish to make sure the breadcrumbs brown.

Cook in a 375 degree oven for about 30 minutes or until cheese is bubbly and the breadcrumbs are browned.

Mmmm....Macaroni n' Cha Cha Cheese!

Pizza Pizza

Ahhh...pizza. A food I crave on a consistent basis. It doesn't matter if it's from Papa Johns, the Italian restaurant down the street, or the comfort of my own kitchen. Once the word pizza is spoken, it's all I can think about. But lately, I'm like every other American - I'm trying to save money, cut costs, NOT break the bank. So I've been experimenting with my own pizzas. If you're not a total foodie like me, pizza can be really cheap to make. It's yeast, flour, olive oil, water, and then whatever toppings you like. A can of tomato sauce and some cheese can make one of the simplest, yet most comforting pizzas.

I started off on the simple route. Cheese, maybe some pepperoni. If I got a wild hair, I'd throw on some mushrooms. But lately I've been trying to put anything I can find on pizza. Here are a few of my favorites:



Cajun Chicken with Pesto, Tomatoes Red Onion, Colby Jack and Mozzerella Cheese.



This is basically the same pizza but with Shrimp and Mozzerella rather than Colby Jack.



And finally, the latest, greatest creation. Shrimp & Scallops sauteed in butter & garlic with a pesto sauce and goat cheese and mozzerella. The goat cheese made this pizza so gourmet tasting. Topped with green onions for color. This pizza was DELISH.

Pizza has got to be one of my favorite foods to prepare because it's so versatile. You can pretty much top it with anything. Any type of cheese, meat or veggie. There isn't anything that doesn't go with pizza. Once you get the dough down (which I think I've finally done thanks to a few tweaks to my New Basics cookbook recipe, my kickass Kitchen Aid mixer with a dough hook, and my oven that fortunately allows me to preheat to 550 degrees).

I guess my point for this blog is...if you love pizza as much as I do. Don't be afraid to make it at home. I will stress that your first couple of trys should be simple pies. I know my first few crusts were a lot like eating cardboard. So here's the recipe that works best for me:

1 cup warm water
1 package active dry yeast
2 1/2 cups of flour (plus more for your counter and rolling pin)
2 tbsps of olive oil
1/2 tsp. salt

Combine water, yeast and flour into your Kitchenaid mixer (no I'm not getting money from Kitchenaid). Mix well. Add oil and salt and allow to mix for a good 5 minutes. This dough will be a little on the wet side, so remember that flour is your friend!

Place dough on a floured surface and knead a few times. For about 2 minutes (there's no way I would ever knead ANYTHING for 15 minutes). Tranfer dough to a lightly oiled (I spray mine with olive oil pam), glass bowl and cover with plastic wrap. Place in a warm dark area and allow to rise for about 2 hours (keep your eye on it though, it could take over a room if you allow it to!)

Right before you cook the pizza, punch down the dough and roll out onto your pizza pan. Let this crust rise for another 15 minutes. Top with whatever you please and place it in the oven until the cheese is melty and the crust is golden brown.

And on that note...I'm off to hijack some items in my fridge for my next pizza creation.

Why Elvis Got Fat

I've met quite a few interesting foods living in the South, but fried pickles are surely my favorite. I discovered them when I first moved here and thought they were just so-so, but I wasn't sold until just recently when I tried them at Gus's. Of course, anything they fry at Gus's is sure to make you fall in love with it, so I just had to recreate these tasty little spears at home - just to make sure they really had any place in my heart. You'll find that in the South they are made differently depending on where you go. Breadcrumb coated or beer battered. I'm partial to the breadcrumb coating because the beer batter becomes slightly soggy and I like my fried food crispy. The only thing I really like beer battered is the Fish part of Fish n' Chips. You also have the option of pickle chips or pickle spears. I like the spears because the warm pickle is what makes this treat so tasty, and you just don't get enough pickle with the spears. But if the chips are the only thing available, they hold their own.

It's quite easy...like frying anything. Take a saute pan, add about a 1/2 inch of oil to it and turn it on medium-high heat. Whisk an egg in one bowl, add some flour with salt and pepper in another and finally add some Italian seasoned breadcrumbs in a third. Once the oil is hot enough (you can tell by adding a pinch of the breadcrumb mixture, if it bubbles up, it's ready) dip your spear first into the flour, then into the egg wash and then coat in the breadcrumb mixture (the more coating you can get to stick, the better in my opinion). Place the pickles in the hot oil and fry for about 1 minute. Flip the pickle carefully, trying not to lose any of that crispy coating (not an easy task) and cook for another minute. Then place the pickles on paper towels to sop up any excess oil and you're ready to munch!

There is one odd thing I find about this dish - I hate ranch dressing. Can't stand it. But it's the only way to eat fried pickles. Something about the tartness of the pickle and the seasoning of the ranch really brings this all together. If you're skeptical, just try it. Hell you can fry up a single spear and if you don't like it, you're out 1 pickle. Big freakin' deal! TRY IT! I'm telling you, they're wonderful!