Thursday, March 03, 2011

X-Rated Stir Fry

Can we agree to agree on one thing?  Stir fry is some sexy food.  It's so colorful, tasty, spicy, sizzlin' hot.  It's full of differing flavors that come at you from all don't know whether to chew it, french kiss it, or call the cops on it for harassment.  And it's so pretty.  My particular stir fry reminded me of a Christmas tree.  The white rice symbolized the glowing white bulbs.  The green onion, jalapeno, cilantro and snap peas, were the actual tree and the red pepper and mushrooms...the ornaments.  Then you have the beef.  Mmm...the beef.  The beef is like the presents, the prize for being good boys and girls this year.

2 tbsp rice wine vinegar
5 tbsp soy sauce
1 tbsp honey
1 inch piece of peeled ginger, minced
2 cloves of minced garlic
1 tsp (or more if you want the X-rated version) of crushed red pepper

Whisk all these ingredients together and add thinly sliced beef to the marinade.  I used sirloin.  And here's a quick tip:  If you cut your meat while it's still slightly frozen, it's easier to thinly slice.  Cover and refrigerate for an hour or four.

Now here's the part that takes time.  It's like foreplay.  You have to spend time with it and give it some love before you get to eat it up!  You have to pick your meat and veggies and then slice them all how you want to eat them.  Here's mine: Sirloin Steak, Mushrooms, Red Bell Pepper, Green Onion, Ginger, Garlic, Jalapeno, Snap Peas, and Cilantro.  Once you get everyone in one place and chopped up in the shape and size you like, you're ready to turn up the heat!  Take your meat out of the marinade (giggity) and dry it off.  You don't want steamed meat.  You want fried meat!  Stir fried meat!  

Get a wok.  You don't have to use one, but you'll be a lot happier if you do.  Add 2 tablespoons of vegetable oil, 1 tablespoon of Sesame Oil and again, if you want the X-rated version, add in some Fire Oil.  Put this on high heat until it's just about to smoke (If you set your kitchen on fire, that's your own damn fault, don't sue me, I have nothing to give, unless a '98 Chevy Cavalier is something you're dying to have).  First add in your meat in small batches.  Don't overcrowd the wok or you'll steam the food.  Cook the meat for literally 1 minute and put it on a plate to the side.  Finish off all the meat in this fashion.

Next, cook the main veggies (you may have to add more vegetable oil for these next steps).  Mushrooms, Pepper and Snap Peas...if you use broccoli, put that in now, if you use carrots, same.  Cook for about 2-3 minutes, stirring often.  Then add in your aromatics.  Yep, I went all Food Network-y on ya with that term.  Aromatics = Your smelly good things.  Your ginger, garlic, green onion, jalapeno, and cilantro.  Cook for 1 minute and add the beef back in.  Cook for another minute.  This all happens really quick and you're working with high heat and smokin' hot oil...BE CAREFUL.  You need to perfect your octopus cooking moves for this one.  You need to SEEM like you have eight arms, but with the smoothness of merely having two.

Finally, take 1 tablespoon of corn starch and 2 tablespoons of water and mix together.  Add this at the very end stirring like an octopus to thicken any juices that form and to get all the tasty bits off the bottom of the wok.  Serve over noodles or rice or just eat the meat and veggies.  There's no wrong way.

This dish will make you want to chew your burps.  I mean it.

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