Popeye Was A Smart Mo' Fo'

Here's a recipe for the tastiest, healthiest side dish that takes literally minutes to make.

Here's What You Need:
2 cloves of minced garlic
1 package of fresh spinach
Crushed Red Pepper (as much as you like, I like mine spicy so I use about a teaspoon)
2 tablespoons of olive oil
Salt & Pepper to taste

Here's What You Do:
In a large skillet over medium high heat, add in olive oil.  Add garlic and crushed red pepper just until the garlic starts to cook, about 40 seconds.  Don't burn the garlic or it'll taste bitter.  Add in your entire package of spinach and stir around.  Your spinach will start to wilt.  So much so that an entire package of fresh spinach will serve about two, if you're a healthy eater and you like spinach as much as I do.  Salt and Pepper once the spinach has wilted, but is still a pretty green and there you go! 

Popeye was a smart man.

Straw-Berry Good Ice Cream

So I've been really working on grocery store organization lately.  I've never been good at this phenomenon.  I have all intentions on having a plan, but I get to the store and I either forget my list, or I stray off the list because I have severe GSADD (Grocery Store Attention Deficit Disorder).  And they don't have drugs for this.  So last week, I went to our neighborhood food market, Easy-Way, and I had a plan, but I saw these strawberries and they looked BEAUTIFUL.  They were perfectly colored, perfectly plump and perfectly ripe.  I could smell them the minute I walked into the store.  So I bought them.  And then I took them home and I realized that I have no idea what to do with them.  I thought about making jam, but I don't really eat much jam.  I thought about making pie, but I'm not really a pie eater.  Strawberry shortcake?  Nah.  And then it hit me.  I haven't made ice cream in a while and I have all these strawberries.  So there ya go.  That's how I came up with this.

Here's What You Need:

Recipe for Vanilla Ice Cream (**Note: Instead of whole milk, I used 2% and it came out fine, I also added in a splash of lemon juice and a pinch of salt while warming the milk.)

1 Pint of strawberries, tops removed and smashed (but still chunky)

Here's What You Do:

Once Your Vanilla Ice Cream is in your ice cream machine and begins to look like soft serve, add in your smashed strawberries.  Keep it churning until it's to that ice cream consistency and then freeze it until it's actually hard ice cream. 

OR, if you're me, eat it when your 15 minutes of churning on your ice cream maker is up, because you have absolutely no self control and no patience to sit around when something that delicious awaits you. 

    

Chop, Chop!

Wanna know one of my favorite meals to grill??  Lamb Chops.  I'm in love with anything that you can hold by the bone, dive your teeth into and then rip away at the meat, craning your neck back as if you're avoiding being punched in the face.  It's just so primal.  Sorry PETA and my vegetarian friends, but do you really think that vegetables don't feel pain when you rip them out of their warm, cozy, dirty homes that they have ever so delicately and meticulously placed their roots??

Here's What You Need:   
Lamb chops (I find it very cost effective to buy a rack of lamb from Costco and cut the chops yourself...plus it makes me feel all butchery and I like feeling butchery)
Garlic - about 3-4 cloves, minced.  I love garlic, so the more, the merrier
Rosemary - About 2 tablespoons, chopped up very small
Olive Oil - enough to coat all the sides of your chops, about 1/4 cup
Salt and Pepper

Here's What You Do:
Add your rosemary, garlic, and olive oil to a ziplock bag and mix everything together so all your ingredients are blended nicely.  Add your chops and make sure they are well-coated with all of these delicious aromatics.  Marinate for at least 2 hours.  When you're ready to grill them, fire up the grill.  Salt and pepper both sides of your chops and grill those little lambs for about 3-4 minutes per side depending on their thickness for a good medium rare temperature.  BE CAREFUL though, lamb has a lot of fat and fires LOVE fat (who doesn't? - oh yeah, my ass), so keep a close eye on them and have water handy to put out any fat fires.  

Go to town on those little lambs.  These chops are so flavorful and juicy and perfect for a party.  Serve them with a nice cool salad.  One that has vegetables that have been ripped from their warm, cozy, dirty homes that they have ever so delicately and meticulously placed their roots.  Baa!

Warm Weather Screams Fish Tacos

 

Something about warm weather makes me crave light, crunchy, fruity things.  I know, it would be more fun to just drink Margaritas all day, but who doesn't love a fish taco.  Especially a homemade fish taco.

Here's What You Need: (this will make about 4-5 tacos)

2 fillets of tilapia, or any white fish

flour tortillas

olive oil

salt and pepper

Paul Prudhomme's blackened redfish magic - which is really quite magical in that it makes EVERYTHING more delicious...try it on burgers and steaks...you'll thank me later and thanks to my brother-in-law for introducing me to this magical seasoning.

 

Magical Seasoning

Toppings: (Be as creative as you like)
cilantro
mango
lime
avocado
cheese (I didn't use any cheese on these, and I didn't miss it)
cole slaw (I buy a package of shredded cabbage/carrots put 1/2 of the bag in a bowl, add a heaping tablespoon of mayo, a few splashes of apple cider vinegar, some chopped cilantro and chopped green onion and a squirt of Sriracha to it and mix it all together until it tastes good, adding salt and pepper at the end).

Here's What You Do:
Preheat oven to 350.  Drizzle olive oil on both sides of your tilapia and salt and pepper both sides.  Spice those fishies up with some magical seasoning and don't be shy.  The more you add, the more flavorful your tacos will be.  I usually give my fishies a coating that makes them look sunburned.  Bake in the oven for about 10 minutes or until fish flakes easily with a fork and is opaque. 

Warm your flour tortillas according to package directions.  Top each tortilla with your flaked fish.  Then add whatever toppings you like. 

I added avocado, mango, slaw, and cilantro and they were the most fresh, bright, sweet, spicy, flavorful fish tacos I ever dove my teeth into.  Restaurant quality if I do say so myself.  

Kaleicious

More often than not, I find myself going through my fridge, frantically trying to figure out recipes for food that is about to go bad.  This happens way too often in my house because I never have a plan of attack at the grocery store.  I shop with my heart and not my head...or rather, my stomach.  And then my refrigerator and my trash can get to eat all my food because of my poor planning.

I bought a lovely bunch of kale (you know how much I love kale) and let it sit in my fridge for 2 days before I noticed it had that not-so-fresh feeling.  I had been hearing a lot of things about kale chips, and so I decided that this was my kale's purpose in life.  To become a kale chip, so delicately crisp and vegetably tasting.

Here's What You Need:
1 bunch of kale
Olive Oil
Kosher Salt

Here's What You Do:
Preheat your oven to 350 degrees.  Coat your kale with olive oil, just enough so that all the leaves are glistening.  Don't overdue it.  Salt your kale and toss so that all the leaves are coated with oil and salt.  Bake for about 10 minutes, turning half way through.  They are finished when the leaves JUST start to brown and your kale is crisp.

These taste good and give you that same crunch you're looking for in a potato chip.  Try it.  Especially if you're trying to get a bikini body, which I am.  Wish me luck.    

Olive, Olives...

 

Sometimes I find myself in a store and I see something I HAVE TO HAVE.  This was one of those times.  I was walking down the condiment aisle and I spotted these neon green olives.  They were like my guiding light.  They pulled me towards their shelf, whispered in my ear and the next thing I knew I was putting them in my basket, checking them out the door, opening them in the car and eating their wonderful little bodies.  They were delicious.  Very unlike their salty, pungent buddies with the red rocket pimento in the middle. 

Look at that color!!  And they actually taste like olive oil.  You have to try them.  I got this jar at Kroger in East Memphis, because apparently the Kroger in Midtown Memphis doesn't like to carry ANYTHING good at all.  But that is a whole new blog that I'm not ready for...but I'm comin' for ya Kroger...get ready.

Anyways, I was starving one night....had only a few odd things in my fridge and so I decided to make these little neon ovals my main event in a pasta dish.  And here's how:

Here's What You Need: (note...this is for 1 HEARTY plate of pasta...so adjust accordingly)

6 or 7 Castelvetrano olives - pitted and chopped

1 handful of pine nuts, toasted

1 clove of garlic, minced

1 good shake of crushed red pepper flakes

A handful of pasta (I always make WAY too much when I just cook for myself...so if you have this measurement mastered, please let a bitch know).

salt & pepper

2 tablespoons of olive oil

Parmesan cheese, grated...enough to sprinkle the top.

Here's What You Do:

Boil your pasta in very salty water according to how much you have until it is al dente and drain it.  If you don't know how to make pasta I assume you aren't really into food, so you probably aren't reading this so I'm not going to teach you how to make pasta. 

In a large skillet add olive oil, garlic and crushed red pepper.  Cook for just about 2 minutes, paying attention to not burn the garlic.  You just want to slightly cook everything and blend the flavors.  Add in olives just to warm them.  Add pasta to this mix until all the noodles are well-coated. 

Add in your toasted pine nuts (easy to do...just put pine nuts in a dry skillet on medium high heat and watch them like a hawk, flipping them over and over until they are just brown...they burn easy so don't leave them alone...takes about 3 minutes). 

Place your pasta in a bowl and top with shredded Parmesan cheese and salt and pepper. 

Congratulations...You just made dinner in 20 minutes and your entire family thinks you are a God/Goddess because it tasted like heaven.

Mac n' Quinoa

Who'da thunk after my first quinoa blog, I'd turn into such a quinoa freak?  Well I have officially hopped on the quinoa train.  And I am officially addicted to Pinterest, where I found this delicious idea to make quinoa mac n' cheese from a blog called Iowa Girl Eats.  I didn't exactly follow her instructions.  Actually, I rarely follow instructions, but here is how you make this delicious dish, Bitch in the Kitch style.  And I am aware that this dish should be called Quinoa and Cheese, seeing as how there's no mac...but don't be so critical...Jeez.

Here's What You Need:
1 cup of cooked quinoa (which actually yields a ton of quinoa) - cooked according to the package directions.
6 pieces of cooked bacon
2-3 cups of cheese - your favorite kind.  I used a combination of Hoop Cheese and Sharp Cheddar from my Amish friends at Troyer Farms...you really just have to taste it to make sure it's cheesy enough for you...if there even is such a thing as Cheesy Enough.
1 small onion - diced
2 cloves of garlic - minced (I truly don't know the difference between minced and diced...I just like to dice my onion and mince my garlic - if this offends you, I apologize)
1 cup of milk
1 egg
breadcrumbs (or anything bready, I used saltines because I was out of bread crumbs)
Olive oil to cook onion/garlic and for drizzling on the top before baking.

Here's What You Do:
Preheat oven to 350 degrees.  Cook the bacon, and chop into small pieces, set aside.  Cook the quinoa.  Cook the garlic and onion in a little olive oil.  Add garlic, onion, cheese, bacon, milk and egg to the quinoa.  Stir and add in salt and pepper.

Taste it...be careful...there's raw egg...so only taste if you aren't preggers or don't have a disease that compromises your immune system (such as Lupus...if you don't know what lupus is, learn up...my best friend has it...it's a mother fucker.  We need to find a cure.  She shouldn't be 33 years old and having her hips replaced....F-U Lupus.) 

Place quinoa mixture in a square baking dish that has been sprayed generously with Pam.  Top with breadcrumbs.  Drizzle the top with olive oil.  Bake for 25 minutes or until breadcrumbs are browned.

Eat as a main course.  Top with short ribs (as I did).  Add herbs (I wish I had). Whatever you want.  Quinoa is so damn versatile, you can practically do anything in the world with it.  But make it.  Because it's a superfood.  And who doesn't like super food??

Burn Baby Burn

Ahhhh....yet another scar to add to my millions of kitchen injuries.  Some chefs are proud of their scars.  I am not one of them.  A chef....nor a proud scar bearer.  In fact, I hate getting burns.  Not because they hurt like a bitch, but because then you have to try to hide it.  Because it's ugly.  Because it looks like you made a mistake in the meth lab.  Because it looks like you're an abused person.  Because it looks like you are one of those crazy people that holds cigarettes to their arm to see how much heat they can bear.  Because you don't want to be the girl who gets all dressed up to look pretty, yet has some hideous mark on her arm that resembles herpes.

It's wedding season my friends.  I have many weddings to attend in the next few weeks.  I will be the girl wearing the long sleeved dress in 85 degree weather because I don't want to be known as diseased girl.  Guests will think to themselves, "Oh please, oh please, let me get my plate at the buffet before herpe girl goes and infects the food." 

Kitchen injuries suck. 

For the love of Quinoa

There's a restaurant in Memphis, a newer restaurant, called Rizzo's Diner, that has the most delicious quinoa salad served over avocado with chow-chow.

So with a little bit of thought and effort, this delicious bit of tasty goodness was re-created.  Not exactly Rizzo's, so for the real thing go there, but in case you are a little low on cash and you crave this salad on a daily basis, like I do, try this.

Here's What You Need:
1 avocado
Cooked quinoa (I cooked 1 cup of quinoa, which makes about 4 servings worth...so you can refrigerate your leftovers)
Juice of 1 lemon
good drizzle of olive oil
1 jar of chow-chow (found this one at Whole Foods)
2 tablespoons of blood orange vinaigrette
salt & pepper

Here's What You Do:
Cook your quinoa according to the directions on the package.  When quinoa is cooked, add lemon, olive oil, salt and pepper, until it has some flavor.  Cut your avocado in half and remove the pit.  Take a spoon and scoop out the flesh of the avocado until you have a lovely little half scooped out for your plate.  Top your avocado with the quinoa mixture, top that with some of the blood orange vinaigrette, then top that with the chow-chow.  Add a bit more salt and pepper.

Call me and thank me after your first bite.  Or if you don't have my number, you can leave me a comment on my page telling me how much you love me.

Edible Candles

You know when you buy a car and it has that new car smell, that smells kinda like paint, but in a good way?  It's a good smell.  A proud smell.  You have just bought your first car and it's awesome.  Well unless you buy a brand new home, the "new" home smell just isn't the same.  It's musty, it's stale, it's not a proud smell, but a smell that you want nothing more than to get rid of.  But it's not easy to do.  I moved into my place March 1st.  I lit candles (the expensive kind), sprayed Febreze, misted everything with Victoria's Secret body spray, used serious cleaning supplies, everything to get MY scent into the new place. 

And you know what worked?  What got the musty old man smell out of my house?  COOKING.  I decided to cook some seriously smelly things to make my house smell like my home.  First course....BACON!  Nothing makes an entire house fill up with delicious porky goodness like bacon.  Next up, granola.  Cinnamon, nuts, honey, brown sugar...It's like lighting a candle that you can eventually eat later.  Works like a charm.  And lastly, and amazingly the thing that has actually lingered the longest...stuffed peppers.  Now when I walk into my house I smell garlic.  And there's nothing I love more than walking into a house that smells like garlic.  It reminds me of my dad's house.  It smells like cooking.  It smells like people take time each day to prepare themselves meals.  Delicious meals.  It smells like home.

Here's What You Need:
4 peppers (any color you like, tops cut off and core with seeds removed)  ** If you have trouble with your pepper standing up on its own, slice the bottom off so that it stands up by itself.
1 pound of ground beef
2 servings of white rice (I use minute rice and make enough for two servings...which is 1 cup of rice/1 cup of water - read the package)
3 cloves of garlic
1 large can of Hunt's tomato sauce (It's my favorite...you can use your favorite) leave a few tablespoons to top peppers off before baking.
1 tablespoon of onion powder
1 tablespoon of Sriracha
1 teaspoon of crushed red pepper
1/2 cup of mozzarella cheese + extra for topping peppers.
Salt and Pepper

Here's What You Do:
Preheat oven to 350.  Boil a large pot of water and add in peppers.  Cook for about 3 minutes, just to slightly soften the skin.  If you don't do this step, your peppers will be very, very crunchy, and as much as I like crunchy, it just doesn't work with peppers in this dish.

Cook rice according to package, set aside.  Brown beef and strain, set aside.  Brown onion and garlic and crushed red pepper.  Add beef back into the pot.  Add in rice, tomato sauce, onion powder, Sriracha,  and salt and pepper to taste.  Add in cheese and mix together. 

In a baking dish, arrange peppers standing upright.  Stuff each pepper with the beef and rice mixture.  Top each pepper with a spoonful of tomato sauce and a sprinkle of mozzarella cheese.  Bake for 30 minutes until cheese browns and beef/rice filling is hot.

Cheers to stuffed peppers and that YOU home smell.   

The Bitch's New Kitchen

I sit here on my lovely front porch of my new duplex in Midtown Memphis.  It's a balmy 74 degrees and the neighborhood is full of skateboarders, runners, dog walkers, and people outside planting flowers.

I discovered this place on a whim.  For some reason I decided to head down a few streets I never really drove down before when I found a little duplex with a For Rent sign in the yard.  I called the number asked the man how much and was happy to discover it was in my price range.  My search for a new place began frustrating the hell out of me when I realized I was going to either have to settle for a high rise apartment building or a place in an unsafe area.  High rises scare me. Visions of fires on lower floors, trapping residents at the top flooded my brain.  Not to mention sharing a washer and dryer with hundreds of people.  Have you ever seen a bed bug infestation?  It's not pretty and it's not cheap and it's something I never want to have to deal with.  So the high rise thing freaked me the hell out.  Living in an unsafe area didn't bother me as much, seeing as how I've been there, done that.  Though, never on my own.  And being scared and alone was not something I was looking forward to.  So when I stumbled upon this little duplex and asked to take a look, I was extremely excited to discover that I had my VERY OWN washer and dryer, I wasn't in a high rise and the neighborhood is in a pretty safe place.

The only downfall, you ask??  My kitchen.  I mean look at it, with sunglasses on, so as to not burn your eyes.  It might be the brightest thing I've ever stepped foot in.  Not to mention it has the least amount of counter space I've ever dealt with.  But I'm trying to be positive here.  I got mostly everything else a girl could ask for.  A gas stove being the most important.  No dishwasher, but I actually don't mind doing dishes (ask me again about not minding doing my own dishes after a dinner party...and I'm sure I will tell you to shove dirty dishes up your ass).  I don't have a garbage disposal...something I realize that I need even more than a dishwasher.  Throwing large amounts of food down a hole, flipping a switch and viola...food be gone, is like a kitchen miracle that I haven't lived without in a long time, but, I can deal with almost anything for a year.

But you know what?  It's MY kitchen.  I can put things wherever I want them, however I want them to be.  I can make my entire kitchen smell like a fart casserole by cooking a head of cabbage in it whenever the hell I want to.  I can store my cups facing up or down.  I can drink out of my milk carton.  I don't have to fill the ice trays if I don't want to.  And that's all I care about.

So get ready for some more food to be cooked, because this bitch has a kitchen again and it's all mine!  Muahahahahahahah!

Popped my Blood Orange Cherry

I love exploring new things, trying new foods, marking things off my "list" that I've never done before, etc.  So I will hopefully be writing my "Popped my [insert new food here] Cherry" segment often.  Because I hope to be discovering and trying lots of new foods this year.  Some I've never heard of.  Some I've heard of, but have never cooked.

I'm not going to explain the term "Cherry Poppin'" to you, but I will say, that I mean it to refer to the first time I have tried something.  For example, up until last month I had never experienced Mardi Gras in New Orleans.  So, last month, I popped my mardi gras cherry.  Got it?  Good.  I know, I know...it's not very "lady-like" to use terms like "I popped my cherry".  But let's get something straight.  I'm not very lady-like.  When I was three years old, my sister and I were greeted at our new house by a slew of boys screaming curse words at us...all of which I interpreted as friendly greetings.  I was three...cut me some slack.  Needless to say, no one was too surprised when they found me later by the side of the road, greeting passerby's as, "Hey Cocksucker" & "Hi Dickhead".  I was welcoming them as I had been welcomed.  I am the girl at the table who uses the incorrect fork, plate, cup, etc.  Has anyone ever been shot for such an offense...not that I know of, although it's quite possible.  People are crazy.  Will my life be less meaningful for not being prim and proper?  I don't think so.  Will the Queen of England ever invite me to have dinner at her palace?  I highly doubt it.

Back to Blood Oranges.  They are the most beautiful orange I've ever seen.  They are the most delicious orange I've ever tasted.  I can't believe it's been this long before I've had the luxury of eating one.  So I made Blood Orange Vinaigrette with it.  And here's how.

 Look how gorgeous that is??

Here's What You Need:
The juice of 2 blood oranges (no worries about seeds...all three blood oranges I bought were seed free)
2 tablespoons of diced shallot
2 tablespoons of apple cider vinegar
1/4 cup of canola oil
1 tablespoon of Dijon mustard
salt and pepper to taste.

Here's What You Do: 
Combine all the ingredients listed above into a jar.  Shake it up...hoo hoo, shake it up...(name that song), top mixed greens with it, marinate fish with it, marinate chicken with it, I'm pretty sure you can put this on anything and not be disappointed.  But I personally just simply put it on some salad greens so that I could get the full flavor of the vinaigrette.

 If that's not the prettiest vinaigrette you've ever seen, you are insane.

I must say, I'd pop my blood orange cherry over and over again if I could, but now I can't.  But I CAN and WILL enjoy the blood orange and all its loveliness for as long as I live.         

Fired Up for Festival Season

The time has come again.  Festival season.  Whether you're camping out or dropping money on hotels, you can expect to be sweating your ass off, fighting against the heat in some of the hottest places in our country at the hottest times of the year, to see (or hear in my case...downfall of being short) our favorite musicians.  Coachella, Wanee, Jazz Fest, Memphis in May, Hangout Fest, Bonnaroo, Lollapalooza, Austin City Limits Fest, etc. 

But I want to tell you about a festival food vendor I stumbled across on a NOT so hot festival weekend.  They are called Fired Up Kitchen.  I found them at Harvest Festival a few years back.  And I have been thinking about their delicious pizza ever since my teeth made their journey through the freshly crushed tomato, sweet basil pesto, creamy ricotta and mozzarella cheeses and finally the perfectly cooked wood-fired crust of a slice of Hill Country Stomp.

I didn't need drugs, I had pizza.  It was my drug.  It transported me to an Italian village where I made ravenous love to a piece of mouth watering, pizza.  That in turn, burnt the hell outta the roof of my mouth, the no good, rat bastard. 

Look for it at the next music festival you find yourself at.  You will not be disappointed.  Happy festival, drink lots of water, say no to drugs and Buon Appetito!

Getting Crabby

 Snow Crab Legs...mmm...mmm...good. (photo by me)

I think my most favorite food on the planet has to be snow crab legs.  The ones referred to as Opilio crabs on the Deadliest Catch, if you watch that show.  Now I get a bunch of crap when I say that snow crab legs are my favorite.  People always want to argue that King Crab, Blue Crab and Dungeness are the best.  So here's why they are my favorite.

A.) They taste much better, in my opinion, than Alaskan King Crabs.

Alaskan King Crab.  Good, but Painful. (photo by Google images)

Don't get me wrong, I won't pass up crab meat of ANY kind...unless you spell it with a K.  But the Alaskan crabs taste more bland to me than the snow crab.  Not to mention that trying to bust the meat out of their enormous shells usually draws blood at the very least and requires a trip to the ER at the very worst.  So for these reasons, I choose snow crab over king crab.

B.) They are MUCH less of a hassle than eating the sweet, delicious meat of the blue crab.

Blue crab.  Oh, so delicious, but time consuming and not filling. (photo by Google images)

Blue crab is GOOD.  The meat is sooooo sweet and tender and goes wonderfully with a cold beer with a lime.  Oh.My.GOD, I would kill for some blue crab right now.  But the truth is, they are a pain in the ass to deal with and for the amount of meat you get out of one, you have to deal with about 30 of them to even feel full.  They are fun to catch, too.  Get yourself a net, tie a raw chicken leg to it and drop the net in the water (who knew crabs ate chicken...I guess they get tired of the same old thing).  Wait 30 minutes or leave and come back, pick the net up and there you have it...blue crab.  Maybe 1, maybe 5, that's the fun of it.  We used to catch blue crab with our grandfather in Virginia.  I will never forget hearing their shrill screams as we threw them into boiling water!  Ahhhh...childhood memories! 

C.) They are much cheaper (at least where I live) than Dungeness crabs.

 Dungeness crab.  Delicious, but costly. (photo by Google images)

We might have ourselves a pretty close tie if Dungeness crabs were the same price as snow crabs, but in my landlocked neck of the woods, they aren't.  But Dungeness crab is SOOOO GOOOD.  If I was in San Francisco, I'd choose Dungeness over Snow.  But we're not.  And unless you straight up ram the tip of the claw into your hand, like a dumbass, it's very hard to cut yourself on a Dungeness crab.  They don't have as many pointy, sharp things on their legs.  Ok, I take that back.  All these crabs can be dangerous...especially if you eat them as quickly as I do.

My point is this.  Snow crab legs are salty, juicy, meaty, easy to work with (once you get it down to a science, which I have), readily available (let's cross our fingers it stays this way) and pretty cheap.  When you buy them, they are already cooked, so you really only need to steam them for about 10 minutes to warm their meat back up.  You can add some Old Bay to them if you want a little more flavor.  You don't need butter for this crabbies.  Just a squirt of lemon will do.  But butter makes everything better, so dunk away. 

And that.... my crabby friends... is why I like the snow crab the best.

My Friend Rachel

I'm a craving type of girl.  I get cravings and I MUST have the thing that is in my head to be in my tummy ASAP.  Sometimes these are simple cravings that I can easily satisfy, for example a bowl of chocolate ice cream with milk, or a piece of cinnamon toast.  Other times these cravings consist of pepperoni rolls from WV, or crepes from the Baker's Crust in Norfolk, VA.  Neither of which I can just run and get, seeing as how I am in Tennessee. 

Most often, when I'm craving something I can't get nearby or that just isn't up to par in my high (ha) standards (eg., a good Caesar Salad), I have to recreate my craving on my own, and hope that I am happy with the results.  This particular time I was!

Say hello to Rachel.

HI RACHEL!!!!!

Rachel is Reuben's girlfriend.  Instead of corned beef, she's got pastrami.  Instead of sauerkraut, she's got coleslaw.  She's so tasty, I just want to eat her up.  


Here's How you make her:
Get some deli sliced pastrami (I know, it would be better if I had made my own, but that's a LOT of work and I have a craving to tend to)...Boar's Head brand is my favorite.  All of their meat rocks. 

Swiss Cheese slices (depending on how many sandwiches you are making...I used 2 slices/sandwich)

Coleslaw (again, I would have made my own, but I had a craving...I had no time to waste.)

Thousand Island Dressing (if you want to make a REAL Rachel.  I didn't think I needed the extra dressing with all the coleslaw creaminess).

Pumpernickel or Rye bread, toasted

Here's What To Do:
Place your pastrami in a skillet on medium heat and toss around until heated through.  Add swiss cheese to the pastrami and cover with a lid for about 40 seconds, or until the cheese melts.  Top your toasted bread with the pastrami/cheese melt, top that with coleslaw, add or don't add thousand island dressing.

I've never seen one of these in Memphis, which is why I probably crave it from time to time.  It's delicious.  You should be craving one now too.  And now you know how to make one.

Screw New Years Resolutions...You Only Live Once

Ever had a burger, deep fried in 100-year old grease, then placed on a bun that has been dipped in said 100-year old grease and topped with cheese, onion, mustard and pickle?  Have you ever sat at a counter, stuffing your face with a burger so deliciously bad for you, you worry that you might be making inappropriate sex noises because the ecstasy you are now experiencing is unworldly?

I have.  You get it at a little place called Dyer's.  It's in Memphis, TN.  You should eat one before you die.  Or better yet...die eating one. 

My Heart Belongs to a Roni

A pepperoni roll, that is.  When my mother told me we were moving to Bridgeport, West Virginia in the 8th grade, I was devastated.  I thought everyone in WV was toothless, wore overalls, straw hats and had pigs for pets.  I was wrong.  Although I kid you not, the first day of school there was one guy wearing a straw hat with overalls.  West Virginia is a beautiful place with beautiful people.  Some of my best friends in this entire world are from West by God, Almost Heaven Virginia.  Sure you have families like the Whites.  But every state does.

West Virginia is its own state.  Most people don't know that.  They think West Virginia is actually Western Virginia.  It's not.  People from West Virginia HATE when you don't know it is its own state.  Get it straight or you might find yourself toothless.

There are also a lot of Italians in West Virginia.  I think half of my class had a last name that ended in an O.  Caputo, Oliverio, Dinaldo, Pecarro, you get the point.  Every year they have an Italian festival (also known as the Tally Rally, the Wop Hop and/or the Dago Shenago) in Clarksburg, WV.  Your mouth will meet some of the best Italian food here. 

Another beautiful thing that comes from WV...Pepperoni Rolls.  They are made in many different ways.  Some with stick pepperoni, some with sliced.  Some have cheese, some don't.  But there is no denying that they are AMAZING when they have the addition of some Oliverio peppers stuffed inside.  I wanted nothing more than some Oliverio peppers when I made these babies.

Here's What You Need:   
Pizza Dough
Pepperoni (stick or sliced...I prefer sliced)
Cheese (any kind, but I used mozzarella string cheese)

Here's What You Do:
Take the Pizza Dough out of the can (GASP!!!  I know I should have made these puppies from scratch, but I was being lazy).  Cut dough into squares (about 5"x5").  Top each square with about 3-5 slices of pepperoni a half of a piece of the string cheese and roll it up, sealing all ends so the cheese doesn't bubble out. 

Bake for 10-12 minutes or until browned in a 425 degree oven.  Let cool....this step is very important or you'll get cheese burns on your face...trust me.  Eat up.

I made a few adjustments and added some fresh spinach to some...hey, it made me feel a little more healthy.  And I know, I know, these are not how they are originally made.  The best roni rolls come from scratch.  But when a girl finds herself outside of West Virginia with no convenience store in town selling pepperoni rolls, you have to get clever...and fast.  And this is how I did it.

Almost Heaven...West Virginia.  And Pepperoni Rolls.  

Food and Straight Jackets

 Photo from google images

We all do it.  Eat strange things or have a strange way of eating certain foods.  Some people have to dip their sausage in syrup.  Others like to dip their french fries in mayonnaise.  Some of these things make people cringe they are so odd.  But that's what's so wonderful about food.  Everyone has different tastes.  And different combinations of foods can make a person really happy or really freaked out.

Here are a few things I do that might get me thrown into a home for food weirdos.

1.  I have to have an ice cube in my milk.  Warm milk makes me want to puke.  Sorry.  I can't tell you how many comments I get about this quirky habit of mine.  "You put ICE CUBES in your milk?????"  As if it's really THAT strange.  I put ice in my water, tea, soda, coffee, etc., why the hell is milk so strange?

2.  When I eat a Kit-Kat, I remove all four sides of chocolate with my teeth first.  Then, starting at the top of the Kit-Kat, I remove layer, after layer of the wafers until it's done.

3.  I have my fear of other people's salads.  For more on that, go here.

4.  Sometimes when I chew gum, I split the piece in my mouth, so that each side gets to chew gum at once.  I've always been a fan of sharing.  Sharing with myself is no different. 

5.  If my mashed potatoes don't have gravy, I prefer to eat them mixed with corn, butter and salt and pepper.  Something about this combination is just heavenly to me.

6.  I like to peel the skin off my garlic by hand.  I know it's easier to smash it and then just rip off the skin, but I don't like to do it this way.  I like to do it my way.  So the next time we're cooking in my kitchen and I'm taking forever with the garlic...shut the hell up and deal with it.

7.  I feel extremely victorious when I peel an orange in one long peel, without it ripping.  I find Clementine's to be the easiest to accomplish this feat.

8.  When my sister and I were little girls, we used to dip white bread into A-1 sauce for a snack.  I used to also love peanut butter, mustard and pickle sandwiches.

9.  I am a serial dipper.  I love to dip food into sauces.  Blue cheese dressing, Italian dressing, Louisiana hot sauce, Sriracha, homemade honey mustard sauce...you name it.  And yes, I love french fries dipped in chocolate milkshakes.

10.  If something has ridges...say a Ruffle...I will eat each ridge individually.  Keeps me from eating 100 chips in one setting too...this one has an upside.

11.  I do minor surgery on my meat before I eat it.  Mostly chicken.  I don't mind biting into gristle on a steak, but biting into something odd in a piece of chicken has been known to make me gag into my napkin.  At the table.  Fancy restaurants and all.

12.  I hate cheesecake.  It tastes like the smell of puke to me.  This one also has an upside, an upside for my ass.

13.  I prefer to wash down popcorn with a glass of chocolate milk.  Great combination of flavors.

14.  I used to dip pretzel rods in milk before eating them.  Yummmmy.

You know you have them too.  What are they?? 


 

Grilled Nutella-Nana-Butter Sandwich

When you're starving, you'll come up with the best of foods.  I've been religiously eating Ramen noodles so that I can afford Christmas gifts this year.  (Ya'll better be thankful if you receive one because my stomach and my taste buds surely are suffering).  

The roomie bought some Nutella the other day and I found a banana in my freezer.  So I decided to make a grilled Nutella-Nana-Butter Sandwich (love that name by the way...don't you dare steal it).  Nutella, Banana, Peanut Butter sandwich.  And it was the most delicious thing I've eaten this week.  

Butter two sides of your bread.  Top one slice (the non buttered side) with peanut butter, Nutella and then banana slices. 

Top it with the butter side up piece of bread.  Add it to a hot skillet, brown on both sides, cut in half and go to town on the gooey goodness.

Add a little powdered sugar and it would be a most delectable dessert or brunch sandwich.  Don't forget to serve with napkins.  Lots of them.

Memphis Must

 Birds Net Egg Roll at Saigon Le, Memphis, TN

I love stumbling upon interesting foods.  Foods that you have to work with first to eat.  There is a great little Vietnamese restaurant in Memphis called Saigon Le.  And they have this fun, and delicious appetizer called a Birds Net Egg Roll.  For years, I thought it was called the Birds NEST Egg Roll.  But either I am a total idiot, or they have a misprint on their menu, because it clearly says Birds NET (and, I distinctly listened to her repeat it back to us as birds net.  So I guess that makes me a total idiot).  

Anyways, it's an egg roll filled with pork and shrimp and probably cabbage, carrot and other goodness, and then it looks to be wrapped in some sort of noodle and fried.  I could be totally wrong here.  There may be a sweet technique to making a batter turn out this way, but I'm gonna stick to my guns and say this is some kind of noodle.  The browned, beautiful little nets arrive at your table (6-8 of them) atop a bed of romaine lettuce, mint and cilantro leaves.  It's served with a little bowl of fish sauce for dipping.   

The best way to eat them, in my opinion, is to lay a piece of romaine down on your plate, top it with a birds net, squeeze on a line of Sriracha, top that with a few mint and a few cilantro leaves, roll it up in the lettuce, dip it in the fish sauce and chow down.

If you live in Memphis and have never eaten it (I lived here for a good 4 years without discovering it), TRY IT.  If you are visiting Memphis and are looking for some good grub, GO THERE.  And if you don't ever plan to come to Memphis, YOU'RE AN IDIOT AND ARE MISSING OUT!