Tuesday, March 13, 2012

The Bitch's New Kitchen

I sit here on my lovely front porch of my new duplex in Midtown Memphis.  It's a balmy 74 degrees and the neighborhood is full of skateboarders, runners, dog walkers, and people outside planting flowers.

I discovered this place on a whim.  For some reason I decided to head down a few streets I never really drove down before when I found a little duplex with a For Rent sign in the yard.  I called the number asked the man how much and was happy to discover it was in my price range.  My search for a new place began frustrating the hell out of me when I realized I was going to either have to settle for a high rise apartment building or a place in an unsafe area.  High rises scare me. Visions of fires on lower floors, trapping residents at the top flooded my brain.  Not to mention sharing a washer and dryer with hundreds of people.  Have you ever seen a bed bug infestation?  It's not pretty and it's not cheap and it's something I never want to have to deal with.  So the high rise thing freaked me the hell out.  Living in an unsafe area didn't bother me as much, seeing as how I've been there, done that.  Though, never on my own.  And being scared and alone was not something I was looking forward to.  So when I stumbled upon this little duplex and asked to take a look, I was extremely excited to discover that I had my VERY OWN washer and dryer, I wasn't in a high rise and the neighborhood is in a pretty safe place.

The only downfall, you ask??  My kitchen.  I mean look at it, with sunglasses on, so as to not burn your eyes.  It might be the brightest thing I've ever stepped foot in.  Not to mention it has the least amount of counter space I've ever dealt with.  But I'm trying to be positive here.  I got mostly everything else a girl could ask for.  A gas stove being the most important.  No dishwasher, but I actually don't mind doing dishes (ask me again about not minding doing my own dishes after a dinner party...and I'm sure I will tell you to shove dirty dishes up your ass).  I don't have a garbage disposal...something I realize that I need even more than a dishwasher.  Throwing large amounts of food down a hole, flipping a switch and viola...food be gone, is like a kitchen miracle that I haven't lived without in a long time, but, I can deal with almost anything for a year.

But you know what?  It's MY kitchen.  I can put things wherever I want them, however I want them to be.  I can make my entire kitchen smell like a fart casserole by cooking a head of cabbage in it whenever the hell I want to.  I can store my cups facing up or down.  I can drink out of my milk carton.  I don't have to fill the ice trays if I don't want to.  And that's all I care about.

So get ready for some more food to be cooked, because this bitch has a kitchen again and it's all mine!  Muahahahahahahah!


k said...

I had one that small a few years ago. Zero counter space. I used my kids short little art table to prep my work on and kept my herbs right out the front door. You will find a way!

Jess said...

True, K. I will find a way. Now if I can only find a small butcher block, seeing as how I have no children's art tables laying around...

Toad's Lair said...

Welcome to your new kitchen, bitch! I find myself without my own for a few months at this time and it makes me very sad; I will just live vicariously through you for now.