Everything Bagels 101

Bakers around the world, take note.  An everything bagel has sesame, caraway and poppy seeds, onion, garlic, and salt.  A bagel with garlic, onion and poppy seeds is NOT an everything bagel.  You should be arrested for even attempting to label yours an everything bagel.  That's false advertising.  I can't tell you how often I am disappointed when I buy an everything bagel and everything that is SUPPOSED to be on it, is NOT.  If you're everything doesn't have everything, it's nothing.

This little concoction was inspired by my cousin Emily.  And Em, anytime you want to guest blog, feel free!  She was telling me about this bagel sandwich she used to make when she worked at a deli.  It was an EVERYTHING bagel (and she's blood, so I'm sure she knows a good everything bagel), topped with (if I remember correctly) vegetable cream cheese, cheese, cucumber, tomato and sprouts.

Well Em, after I talked to you, I couldn't stop thinking about this delicious sandwich.  I'm a total sucker for Everything bagels and veggie cream cheese. In fact, one of my most favorite sandwiches of all times is an Everything bagel with veggie cream cheese, roast beef and red onion (thanks to my sister for this delicious concoction).  It's to die for.  Anyways, back to Emily's sandwich.  I swear, I went and bought all the things I needed.  I picked out local, ripe tomatoes, the perfect cucumber and the freshest carton of sprouts I could get my hands on.  But I couldn't find a fucking everything bagel in the city of Memphis to save my life.  They were all imposters.  So a few days passed, while I racked my brain on where to get an everything bagel, short of ordering them online from NYC.  Then I remembered a place in Memphis that has some pretty darn good bagels.  And though they are in East Memphis, one must sacrifice for an everything bagel, so I headed to City East. 

But by the time I remembered where the good bagels in Memphis were, all of my hand selected produce had gone bad.  So I grabbed some Swiss cheese, a cucumber, and an avocado.  I passed on the tomato because I couldn't get a local one and I prayed my sprouts were still good.  They weren't.  And by the way, when sprouts go bad...they go REALLY bad.  They leave a brownish, gooey, watery mess in the bottom of their little carton that will make you want to quiver in disgust.

So instead, I went with what I had.  Toasted my bagel.  Topped both sides with veggie cream cheese.  Added Swiss cheese, sliced cucumber and sliced avocado salted and peppered it and ate that shit so fast I don't even remember what it tasted like.  But it was good.  It was EVERYTHING I needed at that moment. EVERYTHING!  Don't be an imposter.