Monday, October 17, 2011

The Unexpected Seaweed Salad Cleanse

I wish I could take credit for this salad...but I can't. Can't even remember the restaurant name. 

I'm not a cleanse kinda gal.  I hate depriving myself of food.  And if you've ever seen me starved, you know I can become an evil bitch.  I will bite your head off for making any stupid moves.  So steer clear of me when I'm hungry.  But the cleanse I'm about to speak of, was one I was not expecting.  So I dare you to read on...
The first time I tried seaweed salad, I didn't like it.  I wasn't a fan of the texture.  It reminded me of eating rubber bands.  Slightly slimy rubber bands.  Just weird.  So when I went to California, I decided to give it another try.  You know what?  I liked it this time.  I told you, keep trying things you think you hate, you might find that you eventually appreciate it for what it's worth.  I used to hate scallops, now I love them.  I used to love shrimp, now I can take or leave them.  Your taste buds change.  Don't be a pussy.  Try new things.

Anyways, back to this seaweed salad.  I normally go for the salad with the ginger dressing, because I really just want to lick all the ginger dressing off the lettuce.  But my dear old friend Cassie insisted that I revisit the seaweed salad, so in non-pussy-like fashion, I did.  And I am happy I did, because I ate the whole thing.  I could have ordered two in fact.  It was that good. 

But afterward there was a rumble.  A rumble deep within my soul that could have been mistaken for a large monster living inside of me.  Cassie lives about 1.5 hours from San Fran.  In a lovely little place called Monte Rio.  So about 5 minutes into our trip to her lovely cabin nestled in the beautiful redwoods, I asked Cassie, "Is your stomach doing what my stomach is doing??"  But no, she seemed fine.  Then came the cold sweats and the paleness.  I was going to die (die being a more pleasant term for crap my pants - I, right?).  "Um Cass, can we stop at a bathroom??"  That's when I looked over at her...and noticed her cold sweats and paleness.  We then started making plans on what we were going to do next.  "There's two gas stations at this next exit...You take the first one and then we'll go across the street and I'll go in the second one," Cassie plotted!

I think I saw about 4 bathrooms in that 1.5 hour time span.  Lovely bathrooms in California, by the way.  So if you're looking for a way to lose a quicky 5 pounds...I suggest seaweed salad.  And if you're on a hot date...I suggest avoiding the seaweed salad at all costs! 


Ben Hollis said...



Andy said...

they have nice containers of seaweed salad at(wait for it)Costco,and it's good.

Sarah said...

Wow, that was a great story. Next time I'm in a bind and need to lose a few quickly, I know what to do. Sounds better than bulimia! Thanks! LOL